January 17, 1706 - April 17, 1790
"Don't hate me 'cuz I'm beautiful."
Don't you get tired of learning that the history we were taught as youngsters was a crock of shit? Like the time the pilgrims
generously chose to share their Thanksgiving dinner with those savage Indians. I mean seriously, when are the Indians
ever going to say "thank you?"
Ben Franklin invented everything. The fire department, the iron furnace, the odometer, the catheter, bifocals, AND he was on Bewitched. I say he invented everything, but not really. For instance, he didn't invent electricity, or even discover it really. He did, however, invent the lightening rod.
So many quotes are attributed to him. I think (hope) that he had some form of Tourettes Syndrome. I imagine Ben calmly walking down the street, then suddenly scream at a horrified passerby:
"A STITCH IN TIME SAVES NINE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Oh look, fresh scones are on sale here. Perhaps I'll just pop in this shop and
"A PENNY SAVED IS A PENNY EARNED! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
I think over the years, people just made up sayings and attributed them to Ben.
Most famously there is the elusive and seldom seen (in my world) One Hundred Dollar Bill.
Did you know that the Franklin Mint - purveyors of all that is classy (including a Kate Middleton vinyl doll!) - is named after Ben? True.
It's what he would have wanted.
According to this fantastic website, in
1790 an abscess in Franklin's lung burst and he passed into a coma.
Ben died on April 17, 1790. He was 84 years old.
20,000 people mourned Ben, and he is buried in Philadelphia in the Christ Church burial ground.
Or is it?
The reason Franklin graces our pages is another fun fact.
Ben was married for 44 years to his wife Deborah. (Hi! I'm Debbie Franklin!). They lived from 1757 to 1762 and again from 1764 to 1775 in this Georgian home just off Trafalgar Square in London.
In February of 1998, while a £1.9 million (about 3.5 Mil US $) renovation was being done on the home, a stripper made a disturbing discovery.
Buried deeply in the basement floor, were the mutilated remains of 10 people - 6 children and 4 adults.
The skeletons had
been dissected, sawn, or cut. One skull had several holes drilled in it. The
Coroner (from the same division that spread that awful untruth that Mama Cass
choked on a ham sandwich) stated, "I cannot totally discount the possibility of a crime. There is still a possibility that I may have to hold an
Mmmhm. Hold this.
For a brief period of time people salivated at the thought that Ben Franklin - a Founding Father of America - was Dexterlicious. Fortunately (or unfortunately) this fantasy is not true.
As the story goes: a comparatively young friend of Franklin's, Dr. William Hewson (a grave robber), ran a school of anatomy in nearby Soho. Hewson left that particular school to start one of his own. In Franklin's basement. He lived in the house and logically, just brought these bodies into the house to cut them up. To avoid prosecution for stealing corpses, when he was done he buried them in the basement. Wouldn't you?
In 2006 the unofficial cemetery known as The Benjamin Franklin house opened to the public (it boasts a visit from John Bon Jovi!). Now, just for giggles, you can see the bones in the basement yourself. Have fun KIDS!
Oh, and Hewson accidentally cut himself while dissecting a putrid body and died at age 34. HA ha.
'course you do.