Questions for a recovering mortician

MbalmR · #1 10-16-2007, 07:13 AM

A couple of people have suggested that I begin a thread posting my "tales from the trenches," but I realize that there are limits to what people want to read about, and I surely don't want to upset anyone by saying too much, you know what I mean?

I'm thinking..........if anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to answer them honestly, with as much decorum as possible, and I promise not to trivialize the subject of loss by being purposefully vulgar or graphic. If you have any questions for me, you can ask them here, send me a PM, or you may email me.

Keep in mind, however, that I do have a rather twisted sense of humor, so I may occasionally come across as an ass, but I'll apologize for that in advance and hope to begin a new, interesting, and possibly educational dialogue with my new friends here in the forum.

JeffD · #2 10-16-2007, 07:15 AM

OK, I'll start.

Do they still bury people 6 feet under? I read that some cemeteries bury 'em only 18" under. What's the real story?

Bake · #3 10-16-2007, 07:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MbalmR

A couple of people have suggested that I begin a thread posting my "tales from the trenches," but I realize that there are limits to what people want to read about, and I surely don't want to upset anyone by saying too much, you know what I mean?

I'm thinking..........if anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to answer them honestly, with as much decorum as possible, and I promise not to trivialize the subject of loss by being purposefully vulgar or graphic. If you have any questions for me, you can ask them here, send me a PM, or you may email me.

Keep in mind, however, that I do have a rather twisted sense of humor, so I may occasionally come across as an ass, but I'll apologize for that in advance and hope to begin a new, interesting, and possibly educational dialogue with my new friends here in the forum.

Don't you have to have a twisted sense of humor working your line of business? I have to say, I think it is very nice of you to offer to answer everybody's questions.

MbalmR · #4 10-16-2007, 07:22 AM

Sure, you just HAD to start with a question that is difficult for me to answer. "6 feet" is an average depth, allowing for the burial vault (which is required in most cemeteries in the United States.) Obviously, no one jumps in there with a yard stick and takes precise measurements, but it's a very close approximation.

Exceptions would be in cemeteries where space is at a premium, and there are cases where people are buried one on top of the other, which may be where the 18 inch rule comes into play.

MbalmR · #5 10-16-2007, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bake

Don't you have to have a twisted sense of humor working your line of business? I have to say, I think it is very nice of you to offer to answer everybody's questions.

It's my honor and duty. Ask Scott; he understands about duty, LOL.

I'm afraid I've always had an over-developed sense of humor, but yes, it absolutely comes in handy when dealing with all that sadness.

Snoopy · #6 10-16-2007, 07:27 AM

Do bodies really move on there own after death..I remember my grandfather who used to work at a funeral parlor would tell us stories about how some would sit up on there own..is this true or just my Grandfather's twisted way of trying to freak us out? LOL

Analyst_Rob · #7 10-16-2007, 07:29 AM

Hey EbalmR
Thanks for the Q&A
My first question is a little less technical… What is the most memorial way someone requested to be dressed when buried?
A quick related follow-up…. Has anyone ever requested a wardrobe change????
(at/each viewing… then burial???)

MbalmR · #8 10-16-2007, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Snoopy

Do bodies really move on there own after death..I remember my grandfather who used to work at a funeral parlor would tell us stories about how some would sit up on there own..is this true or just my Grandfather's twisted way of trying to freak us out? LOL

I've never in all my years seen a body sit up. My husband has been doing this for 30 years and hasn't seen it either. It doesn't happen to my knowledge. The myth we were exposed to in mortuary science college was that two people in a diner one day overheard two morticians talking about how well a body "SET up," which refers to the firmness of tissues in a successful embalming. They misunderstood, and the rumors flew from there.

candleinthewind · #9 10-16-2007, 07:39 AM

I have a friend from high school who joined the family business and runs their funeral home. He also has a twisted sense of humor. He won't talk business on social occasions, but something 'bout that boy ain't right.

MbalmR · #10 10-16-2007, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Analyst_Rob

Hey EbalmR
Thanks for the Q&A
My first question is a little less technical… What is the most memorial way someone requested to be dressed when buried?
A quick related follow-up…. Has anyone ever requested a wardrobe change????
(at/each viewing… then burial???)

Wardrobe requests are rarely as stupefying as what people will wear to funerals. You know, skirts any shorter they'd be scarves (I've seen more cotton at the top of an aspirin bottle) or the pants worn by two brothers at my very first burial.........plumber's crack on both sides of the bench. I had to STAND there trying not to laugh all the way through the burial rites! It was a true Christian test of fortitude for me.

MbalmR · #11 10-16-2007, 07:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by candleinthewind

I have a friend from high school who joined the family business and runs their funeral home. He also has a twisted sense of humor. He won't talk business on social occasions, but something 'bout that boy ain't right.

You ain't kidding; we're all a little nuts. The good news about your friend is that he/she didn't want to be the son/daughter to drop the ball on the family business; I however, CHOSE this profession. On purpose! That makes me far crazier.

MbalmR · #12 10-16-2007, 07:50 AM

Ooops, for Analyst_Rob--to answer the second part of your question, I've never had anyone request wardrobe changes for their loved one, but I did once almost cut up the back of a co-worker's suit jacket thinking it was meant to be put on the deceased. That'll teach HIM not to hang his coat in the prep room!!!

JeffD · #13 10-16-2007, 08:02 AM

On the A&E series "Family Plots", Shonna the embalmer always seems to be overwhelmed, running around like crazy. Is this typical or was it just because Poway Bernardo was so disorganized?

smellslikealmonds · #14 10-16-2007, 08:10 AM

I was wanting to go to school to be a mortician, but everytime I think about having to embalm a baby or child it makes me want to cry. how do you deal with that?

MbalmR · #15 10-16-2007, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JeffD

On the A&E series "Family Plots", Shonna the embalmer always seems to be overwhelmed, running around like crazy. Is this typical or was it just because Poway Bernardo was so disorganized?

It's a little of both. No one at that place was pulling their weight. Embalming can take several hours and requires a great deal of strength and sweat equity. It's hard on the back and hard on the soul. Just when poor Shonna thought she was done for the day, another body probably arrived. There goes the dinner break! I've done it many times on an empty stomach and with no sleep, and I'm frankly surprised Shonna was as cheerful about it as she was.

MbalmR · #16 10-16-2007, 08:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smellslikealmonds

I was wanting to go to school to be a mortician, but everytime I think about having to embalm a baby or child it makes me want to cry. how do you deal with that?

That is difficult. People in this profession have to have an "off switch" for emotional distress to get the job done--just like firemen, paramedics and pediatricians do. That's not to imply that we become calloused to the agony of loss, but it's a job that needs to be done, and we do find a way. If it's the very last thing we can do for that child, that family, then there's some pride in the task at hand. But what I did personally was just save it all up and go home and have a good cry. That was my release, and it worked for me.

PiggyTx · #17 10-16-2007, 09:17 AM

Thanks for the Q n A. IS the make up you use on the deceased very different than the makeup live peeps use? Is it similiar? thanks

different kind of girl · #18 10-16-2007, 11:04 AM

My husband's a funeral director/embalmer too and he talks to classes at high schools a lot on their career days. There's always someone in the class who says they heard a body sat up, etc. But it's complete BS, that doesn't happen.

He also says people will bring in outfits for their loved ones to wear that just don't make sense. Say the person had an autopsy and the family will bring in a sleeveless, strapless number. Hello?! Or they'll bring in an old man's old military uniform that hasn't fit for ages.

xenaswolf · #19 10-16-2007, 11:12 AM

A few questions..
How exactly do you dress the body? Is it hard because of rigor or has rigor passed and they are flexible again?

How exactly is embalming done? If the person is to be cremated are they embalmed?

Have you ever had to work on a friend/family member?

Thanks for the Q & A

onehunglow · #20 10-16-2007, 12:34 PM

Like many Fire Fighters/EMTs/Medics I worked in a home doing many jobs. Trocar is the one thing that I'll never forget. Like a shop vac. The owner never took any family members. The embalming is just a small part. Making someone look good after a bad accident is a hard thing to do. Real art. The body can move when it comes out of rig but it is more like a twitch but can scare the hell out of one. Once they are out of rigor they move but the term "like moving a dead man" is true. It is hard and takes two. Also when the fluid is pumped in getting the color just right with dye takes some talent. Black people are hard to embalm. They never look just right. Maybe the Mort can answer that. We only had 5 black people while I worked there and none of the families were happy with what the Mort. did, but he did his best. But my experince goes back almost 30 years. So I am dated.

Shes Not There · #21 10-16-2007, 02:33 PM

Why are embalmed bodies so hard? I mean, I don't expect them to be mushy and the only corpses I've touched were embalmed. Thanks for answering these questions...

RoRo · #22 10-16-2007, 04:27 PM

I have the greatest admiration for Morticians/Embalmers. The service they provide is such a great comfort to the family. When my daddy died, I was devastated because I hadn't seen him for awhile, but he looked so great and that truly comforted me. So a HUGE thank you to all who do or have done this job!!!

MbalmR · #23 10-16-2007, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PiggyTx

Thanks for the Q n A. IS the make up you use on the deceased very different than the makeup live peeps use? Is it similiar? thanks

There are very expensive mortuary cosmetics available for "restorative arts," but most of the time, I used plain old......whatever was on sale: Cover Girl, Estee Lauder, etc. Frankly, unless it's a serious restoration, the same cosmetics that worked on the living work on the dead, and look a little more natural. (Mortuary cosmetics can be quite heavy and more opaque.)

ComputerGuy · #24 10-16-2007, 06:46 PM

I thank you too. I did Mortuary Affairs in the military and have enjoyed working with some very professional folks. A deffinate different sense of humor that is for sure. More time over the top, like I tend to be.

MbalmR · #25 10-16-2007, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by xenaswolf

A few questions..
How exactly do you dress the body? Is it hard because of rigor or has rigor passed and they are flexible again?

How exactly is embalming done? If the person is to be cremated are they embalmed?

Have you ever had to work on a friend/family member?

Thanks for the Q & A

You're welcome, and thanks for your interest.

In the best possible scenario for dressing a body, the body is dressed in the clothes just as they come in--that is, no cutting of any cloth whatsoever. That is how I dressed most of the bodies I prepared for viewing.

Rigor is a chemical reaction in the tissues which comes and then goes away, and it is difficult to dress an unembalmed body because if there is rigor, you have to understand that a person rarely dies in the position of repose that you'd see in the casket. On the other hand, an unembalmed body is often "too flexible;" believe it or not, it's easier to dress remains that are firm with good tissue fixation from the embalming process (and it's more sanitary to the embalmer.)

Embalming is a very involved process. It's hard to describe it here and be concise, but it generally involves the raising of vessels, arteries and veins, through a small incision, and preservative fluid is forced in through the artery which pushes the blood out through the vein. As the blood is drained away, the embalming fluid permeates the tissues and acts to sanitize, preserve and restore.

There is no law requiring remains to be embalmed, except in certain (and very rare cases.) Thus, for a cremation, a body may only be embalmed if there is an open casket viewing for the public and the family requests it.

I haven't ever worked on the remains of any of my relatives, but I've handled cases of people I knew very well. My husband was kind enough to embalm my father after he passed away, and I'll always be grateful for his work, because he transformed a barely recognizable man back into what I was used to seeing when my father was healthy and vibrant.